My greatest cinematic regret to date is not buying the limited edition Die Hard 'Best of the Vest' DVD box set. Simply for the name, I ended up buying an HMV 'gift set' version of the trilogy but I can't help feel that it is lacking that certain "he's just a man, with a man's courage" Flash Gordon feel. Also I already owned the Die Hard with a Vengeance 2 disc set and I was disappointed that the HMV set lacks all the special features (such as the none too shabby alternate ending).
Anyhoo, the Die Hard Trilogy is a thing of beauty and I look forward to the next installment.
Wednesday 27 June 2007
Sunday 17 June 2007
Top Gun
Ask anyone to name the most homoerotic film of all time and almost to a man the answer will be Top Gun, it's probably something to do with all the ass slapping in that volleyball scene. As an action movie Top Gun does however fare well, the fact that they used real F-14s and Migs to film the airborne stuff really paid off for the crew and the flying therefore is as about as real as it can get. Tom Cruise is an actor whom I have great respect for (as an actor, I don't have much patience for Scientology) and he is convincing as the on-edge flyboy Maverick, and I have to admit that he does exude a certain charisma on-screen. The role of Ice-Man seems tailor made for Val Kilmer, mostly because it doesn't require much emotional input, but also because personality-wise Kilmer is the perfect Yin to Cruise's Yang.
The musical score is excellently arranged, with just the right amount of hard-rockin' hero stuff, coupled with the mandatory love soundtrack and topped off by the awesome Top Gun Anthem.
Rating: B
The musical score is excellently arranged, with just the right amount of hard-rockin' hero stuff, coupled with the mandatory love soundtrack and topped off by the awesome Top Gun Anthem.
Rating: B
Saturday 16 June 2007
Transformers: The Movie (2007 Remastered Edition)
Transformers: The Movie (1986) is pretty much my all time favourite film. Seriously. The death toll is rivaled only by Star Wars (if you count the Death Star's body count on Alderaan). So this movie is still great, excellent voice acting, awesome and somewhat gruesome plot (considering that this is still a cartoon at the end of the day), and some great talent behind it all.
My main gripes come from this remastered version. They have done away with the 'Flash Gordon' style scrolling text after the main titles (for those of you not 'in the know' think of the scrolling text in Star Wars... 'It is a hard time for the rebels, princess Leia has decided to bring the data to the rebel HQ rather than simply transmit it and oddly enough she has been tracked'. You know it from Star Wars, but the old Flash Gordon TV series did it about 20 years before Star Wars was a spark of monetary potential in George Lucas' messed up, CQI happy mind). Anyway, so they did away with the scrolling titles and instead put in a 'Superman-opening-sequence' style credit sequence, which wouldn't be so annoying except they do not even mention the voice actors of Optimus Prime or Megatron. Should I repeat that? Megatron it is possibly understandable, but considering that they have remastered this in order to raise hype for the forthcoming live action Transformers movie you would think that they could at least have mentioned Peter Cullens since he will be reprising his role as Optimus Prime in Michael Bay's version.
Those are my gripes, this film still rules, but the remastered version rules less so than the original. I should note that I suspect that they have completely redone the animation for the film given how 'complete' the set pieces all look, it isn't just new crayons over old colours here.
Rating: A (it's ORSON WELLES for God's sake!)
(The 86 one gets S by the way)
My main gripes come from this remastered version. They have done away with the 'Flash Gordon' style scrolling text after the main titles (for those of you not 'in the know' think of the scrolling text in Star Wars... 'It is a hard time for the rebels, princess Leia has decided to bring the data to the rebel HQ rather than simply transmit it and oddly enough she has been tracked'. You know it from Star Wars, but the old Flash Gordon TV series did it about 20 years before Star Wars was a spark of monetary potential in George Lucas' messed up, CQI happy mind). Anyway, so they did away with the scrolling titles and instead put in a 'Superman-opening-sequence' style credit sequence, which wouldn't be so annoying except they do not even mention the voice actors of Optimus Prime or Megatron. Should I repeat that? Megatron it is possibly understandable, but considering that they have remastered this in order to raise hype for the forthcoming live action Transformers movie you would think that they could at least have mentioned Peter Cullens since he will be reprising his role as Optimus Prime in Michael Bay's version.
Those are my gripes, this film still rules, but the remastered version rules less so than the original. I should note that I suspect that they have completely redone the animation for the film given how 'complete' the set pieces all look, it isn't just new crayons over old colours here.
Rating: A (it's ORSON WELLES for God's sake!)
(The 86 one gets S by the way)
Tuesday 12 June 2007
Orgazmo
NOT PORN.
That needed to be said. Right, this is a Trey Parker movie so as you can imagine the budget isn't particularly... noticable. But they make do and using the South Park team's own brand of humour they have actually made a half decent superhero movie and an outright hilarious comedy, so long as you aren't easily offended. The idea of crossing genres to bring new life to entertainment is not a new idea, but until Orgazmo nobody had ever tried crossing Pornography with Marvel Superhero (apart from the obvious porn parodies of mainstream cinema). With an ensemble cast including some of your favourite porn stars (Chasey Lain, Juli Ashton, Ron Jeremy etc) this movie scores big humour points.
Rating: C
That needed to be said. Right, this is a Trey Parker movie so as you can imagine the budget isn't particularly... noticable. But they make do and using the South Park team's own brand of humour they have actually made a half decent superhero movie and an outright hilarious comedy, so long as you aren't easily offended. The idea of crossing genres to bring new life to entertainment is not a new idea, but until Orgazmo nobody had ever tried crossing Pornography with Marvel Superhero (apart from the obvious porn parodies of mainstream cinema). With an ensemble cast including some of your favourite porn stars (Chasey Lain, Juli Ashton, Ron Jeremy etc) this movie scores big humour points.
Rating: C
Monday 4 June 2007
The Boondock Saints
Surgical gloves on and I'll cut right into the putrid flesh of what's bad about this movie.
I always felt that there was something a tad anticlimactic about the ending. My personal opinion would be that it would have been better without the scene immediately before the credits, this scene whilst serving to continue the movie after the credits have rolled leaves the viewer with too much 'dead time' to think and then the televisual spell is broken.
Right, now that we've got that out of the way I can get round to telling you just how good this movie actually is.
Willem Dafoe is superb as the gay FBI agent who hates gays and is just one of those characters who oozes cool and you want him to win no matter what. 'Compelling' I believe is the word.
The acting is fantastic and the story is pure joy.
This movie is reminiscent of a production with a far higher budget, and I can't help but feel that more money might have had a negative effect on the final piece.
I'm telling you no more, go and buy The Boondock Saints right now.
Rating: B
I always felt that there was something a tad anticlimactic about the ending. My personal opinion would be that it would have been better without the scene immediately before the credits, this scene whilst serving to continue the movie after the credits have rolled leaves the viewer with too much 'dead time' to think and then the televisual spell is broken.
Right, now that we've got that out of the way I can get round to telling you just how good this movie actually is.
Willem Dafoe is superb as the gay FBI agent who hates gays and is just one of those characters who oozes cool and you want him to win no matter what. 'Compelling' I believe is the word.
The acting is fantastic and the story is pure joy.
This movie is reminiscent of a production with a far higher budget, and I can't help but feel that more money might have had a negative effect on the final piece.
I'm telling you no more, go and buy The Boondock Saints right now.
Rating: B
Smokin' Aces
Whilst not a bad film there really is very little to make Smokin' Aces stand out from the crowd, or to give it any rewatchability.
One of the final plot twists you can see coming from about 10 minutes into the movie, and given the basic premise of the story far too many people are still alive at the end. I really did feel kind of cheated by the overall lack of murder, especially considering that the bulk of the characters are unlikeable douchebags. Affleck dies early, which is a plus.
It's good see Ryan Reynolds getting a few more serious parts, he suits the kind of wisecracking role that was once the domain of Bruce Willis during his Die Hard/Last Boy Scout/Hudson Hawk years.
There are a few shocks and twists to the story that will keep you entertained, the action is enjoyable, the dialogue is good and the acting is top notch but the movie will leave you wanting something more. Mostly death.
Rating: C
One of the final plot twists you can see coming from about 10 minutes into the movie, and given the basic premise of the story far too many people are still alive at the end. I really did feel kind of cheated by the overall lack of murder, especially considering that the bulk of the characters are unlikeable douchebags. Affleck dies early, which is a plus.
It's good see Ryan Reynolds getting a few more serious parts, he suits the kind of wisecracking role that was once the domain of Bruce Willis during his Die Hard/Last Boy Scout/Hudson Hawk years.
There are a few shocks and twists to the story that will keep you entertained, the action is enjoyable, the dialogue is good and the acting is top notch but the movie will leave you wanting something more. Mostly death.
Rating: C
Friday 1 June 2007
Spiderman 3
Didn't need an opening monologue, there's a good chance we've seen the previous movies... and the opening graphic novel sequence.
Unarguably the weakest movie in the franchise, and by that I mean that it is absolute balls. From start to finish balls. Just big balls bouncing on my forehead like I'm getting teabagged by Sam Raimi. Balls as far as the eye can see. A horizon of balls, looking over a sea of balls, with maybe a little balls boat floating on it.
The film for having such a high budget and potential rushes through the opening scenes only to get to an hour of tedium and dithering before rushing through to the bombastic fight sequence at the end.
The Sandman's back story feels like it is something that has been tacked on to the main plot in order to give his inclusion in the movie some credibility, and Venom (possibly Spiderman's greatest foe) receives woefully little screen time. But then he was only hanging around to please the fans anyway, a lesson to be learned there methinks.
The evil Peter Parker makes for a bit of comic relief but fails to do much else for the movie other than break the boredom, and believe me by that time I needed it.
Mary Jane seems to have taken a real walk off the map given that this is the same woman who ran out on her wedding at the end of the previous movie because she loves Peter Parker oh so much and just has to be with him even if he is Spiderman and won't always be there. Now she doesn't want to be with him because he is Spiderman and isn't always there. Talk about an indecisive bitch, she should have got married in the last movie and then had an affair with Peter Parker, that way she gets to have her cock and eat it, and Spiderman gets sex so he stops whining.
The action is enjoyable to watch, and credit where credit is due, the effects are superb, but Spiderman 3 did not need to be 2hours 20mins long.
Rating: (A generous) D
Unarguably the weakest movie in the franchise, and by that I mean that it is absolute balls. From start to finish balls. Just big balls bouncing on my forehead like I'm getting teabagged by Sam Raimi. Balls as far as the eye can see. A horizon of balls, looking over a sea of balls, with maybe a little balls boat floating on it.
The film for having such a high budget and potential rushes through the opening scenes only to get to an hour of tedium and dithering before rushing through to the bombastic fight sequence at the end.
The Sandman's back story feels like it is something that has been tacked on to the main plot in order to give his inclusion in the movie some credibility, and Venom (possibly Spiderman's greatest foe) receives woefully little screen time. But then he was only hanging around to please the fans anyway, a lesson to be learned there methinks.
The evil Peter Parker makes for a bit of comic relief but fails to do much else for the movie other than break the boredom, and believe me by that time I needed it.
Mary Jane seems to have taken a real walk off the map given that this is the same woman who ran out on her wedding at the end of the previous movie because she loves Peter Parker oh so much and just has to be with him even if he is Spiderman and won't always be there. Now she doesn't want to be with him because he is Spiderman and isn't always there. Talk about an indecisive bitch, she should have got married in the last movie and then had an affair with Peter Parker, that way she gets to have her cock and eat it, and Spiderman gets sex so he stops whining.
The action is enjoyable to watch, and credit where credit is due, the effects are superb, but Spiderman 3 did not need to be 2hours 20mins long.
Rating: (A generous) D
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