You Don't Mess With The Zohan (henceforth simply 'Zohan' or 'YDMWTZ) as I really couldn't be arsed writing that every time) has been getting mixed reviews, and I'm really trying not to be swayed one way or another. I like to think that I am honest in what I say to you and that if you were actually foolish enough to take my word for something then I would have to stand by it.
So here's my honest review of Zohan...
I loved it.
Most modern comedies seem to need a seen with either semen, vomit, or some other bodily excretion in order to provide you with humour and it is nice to see a comedy that shoots for the plain ludicrous.
Adam Sandler's movies can be very hit and miss but there has always been an undertone of genuine comedic genius to his work and it is nice to see a movie that largely lived up to his potential.
Zohan brings humour to a situation that has defied solution for centuries and really does try to lighten things up, and really, if people had a better sense of humour then most of the world wouldn't be in the trouble it is in. Yes, feel free to attack me for that seemingly flippant remark "Yes thousands are dying in ethnic cleansing but we should all just sit back and have a giggle". I don't mean it like that and you should be ashamed of yourself for not giving me more credit. What I meant was that if people had a better sense of humour and a bit more understanding then most of the silly tit for tat problems in the world would never escalate to anything larger.
Anyway, Zohan is a lighthearted comedy with big laughs (though if I'm being honest you could only ever watch it once or twice) that can perfectly pass a quiet evening.
Emmanuelle Chriqui (pronounced 'Shreeky') is amusing as Zohan's Palestinian employer who does not realize that Zohan is in fact Israel's top Mossad agent (and like any balanced individual does not care about the conflict and just wishes people could try to forgive and move on).
I don't want this review to sound like a political statement so I'll balance it all out by saying that if you are really the maladjusted niggler awaiting the slightest opportunity to be offended then you are really going to be offended when I tell you that you may as well spam my inbox with hate mail now or come to my house and wee through the letterbox you brain-dead fucking retard.
Zohan will amuse you, it's a comedy, it's not going to redefine the genre but it certainly won't bore you.
Rating: B
Sunday 31 August 2008
Get Smart
Every few years, mostly between Bond movies, some bright spark sitting in a Hollywood studio comes up with a really good idea for a movie. It will be a poignant tale with action, romance, just the right amount of tension and a story that will feel complete and maybe leaving you thinking about it long after you have left the cinema.
Then the script will get shit-canned because the studio can't afford to make it having blown the last of it's budget on this year's hey-guys-I'm-a-spy-lol Bond spoof.
Now it is the turn of comedian de-jour Steve Carell to take the reins, this time in a remake of 1965 spy comedy series 'Get Smart'. Yes, it's a remake of an old TV series, how's about that.
I could be hard on Get Smart... actually being honest, I can't.
You might say that I am going to give a favorable review solely because I have a thing for the delectable Anne Hathaway, but that is not the reason. That is not the only reason.
Get Smart is, brace yourselves, genuinely funny. The script is witty, the set pieces are superb, the plot is actually good (though the big plot twist you can see coming from roughly 22 minutes into the film), and the performances are well played.
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson once again delivers a brilliant performance (see everyone, I told you that he wouldn't be another Hulk Hogan) and at times had me in stitches, but without a doubt the man who ended up with all the best lines was Alan Arkin.
Now earlier I referred to 'this years Bond spoof', and that was being unfair on my part. Get Smart is not a spoof, it is a parody of Bond in much the same way that Galaxy Quest was a parody of Star Trek.
Max Smart is potentially the greatest secret agent within CONTROL but time and time again something goes wrong during the actual execution of his plans, and this is the source of our comedy on his part. In fairness to Carell he plays the role very well and you could see a genuine screen chemistry between himself and Anne Hathaway.
I can't avoid mentioning how great Anne Hathaway actually is in her role as the distrustful and slightly emotionally damaged Agent 99, who is very good at her job and can't stand to be sent out with the rookie Smart but begrudgingly gains a certain respect for the man and his tenacity.
And finally I will say that when Max Smart figures out how to overcome his adversary in the end I laughed so hard that I had to check afterward to make sure that a little pee hadn't leaked out.
Rating: B
Then the script will get shit-canned because the studio can't afford to make it having blown the last of it's budget on this year's hey-guys-I'm-a-spy-lol Bond spoof.
Now it is the turn of comedian de-jour Steve Carell to take the reins, this time in a remake of 1965 spy comedy series 'Get Smart'. Yes, it's a remake of an old TV series, how's about that.
I could be hard on Get Smart... actually being honest, I can't.
You might say that I am going to give a favorable review solely because I have a thing for the delectable Anne Hathaway, but that is not the reason. That is not the only reason.
Get Smart is, brace yourselves, genuinely funny. The script is witty, the set pieces are superb, the plot is actually good (though the big plot twist you can see coming from roughly 22 minutes into the film), and the performances are well played.
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson once again delivers a brilliant performance (see everyone, I told you that he wouldn't be another Hulk Hogan) and at times had me in stitches, but without a doubt the man who ended up with all the best lines was Alan Arkin.
Now earlier I referred to 'this years Bond spoof', and that was being unfair on my part. Get Smart is not a spoof, it is a parody of Bond in much the same way that Galaxy Quest was a parody of Star Trek.
Max Smart is potentially the greatest secret agent within CONTROL but time and time again something goes wrong during the actual execution of his plans, and this is the source of our comedy on his part. In fairness to Carell he plays the role very well and you could see a genuine screen chemistry between himself and Anne Hathaway.
I can't avoid mentioning how great Anne Hathaway actually is in her role as the distrustful and slightly emotionally damaged Agent 99, who is very good at her job and can't stand to be sent out with the rookie Smart but begrudgingly gains a certain respect for the man and his tenacity.
And finally I will say that when Max Smart figures out how to overcome his adversary in the end I laughed so hard that I had to check afterward to make sure that a little pee hadn't leaked out.
Rating: B
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Uugh. I haven't been looking forward to this review, I've been putting it off and putting it off in the hope that I might get Alzheimer's or something. Sadly I'm more or less still all here so lets put on our wellies and go wading in shit.
Hellboy 2, a movie with a relatively cool bad guy and not a lot else going for it. I should have known that something was wrong when David Hyde Pierce didn't return to provide the voice of Abe Sapien (don't bother watching the movie for it, he's uncredited), I know that he can't have made that much money working on Frasier that he no longer needs the work, so I can only assume that he has standards.
The biggest threat to Hellboy in this film is an Elemental (that's a God of one of the cardinal elements for those of you who don't follow fantasy or play that financial black hole World of Warcraft), in this case it is an Elemental of Nature. A Tree God who has the rather glaring weakness of having a giant hole in his head like the Nihilinth, and much like that Half Life über-beastie firing a weapon into this hole tends to cause extreme anger followed by death.
So the general gist of the movie is that Hellboy is running around all full of angst about being hidden from humans whilst this halfway cool bad guy is trying to raise an army of paranormal beings to crush mankind. The usual fare, but this time done by elves instead of Nazi's, Mummies or Jet-Li.
You can imagine exactly where this is going and there really is no point in me trying to repeat this tripe to you, it's an old story that has been done many times before and almost never done well. Of course his angst eventually gets the better of him and he manages to get himself exposed in dramatic fashion to all of the world, and typically the humans don't particularly like him.
What I will say is that it is a very sumptuous looking film, Guillermo del Toro has a unique visual style that lends itself very well to the pseudo-paranormal realm of the Hellboy universe.
I don't like ragging on Hellboy because I like Ron Perlman, he is a good actor and most of his parts are generally unique and recognizable characters, but this movie frankly is beneath his ability.
From start to finish Hellboy 2: The Golden Army feels like it is just filling time until Hellboy 3: The Cash-in, it's a pointless movie. Completely and utterly pointless.
Rating: E
(Note how I managed to avoid mentioning Northern Ireland?)
Hellboy 2, a movie with a relatively cool bad guy and not a lot else going for it. I should have known that something was wrong when David Hyde Pierce didn't return to provide the voice of Abe Sapien (don't bother watching the movie for it, he's uncredited), I know that he can't have made that much money working on Frasier that he no longer needs the work, so I can only assume that he has standards.
The biggest threat to Hellboy in this film is an Elemental (that's a God of one of the cardinal elements for those of you who don't follow fantasy or play that financial black hole World of Warcraft), in this case it is an Elemental of Nature. A Tree God who has the rather glaring weakness of having a giant hole in his head like the Nihilinth, and much like that Half Life über-beastie firing a weapon into this hole tends to cause extreme anger followed by death.
So the general gist of the movie is that Hellboy is running around all full of angst about being hidden from humans whilst this halfway cool bad guy is trying to raise an army of paranormal beings to crush mankind. The usual fare, but this time done by elves instead of Nazi's, Mummies or Jet-Li.
You can imagine exactly where this is going and there really is no point in me trying to repeat this tripe to you, it's an old story that has been done many times before and almost never done well. Of course his angst eventually gets the better of him and he manages to get himself exposed in dramatic fashion to all of the world, and typically the humans don't particularly like him.
What I will say is that it is a very sumptuous looking film, Guillermo del Toro has a unique visual style that lends itself very well to the pseudo-paranormal realm of the Hellboy universe.
I don't like ragging on Hellboy because I like Ron Perlman, he is a good actor and most of his parts are generally unique and recognizable characters, but this movie frankly is beneath his ability.
From start to finish Hellboy 2: The Golden Army feels like it is just filling time until Hellboy 3: The Cash-in, it's a pointless movie. Completely and utterly pointless.
Rating: E
(Note how I managed to avoid mentioning Northern Ireland?)
Babylon AD
Babylon AD is an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a very shallow script.
The movie has a good story that is mired only by the aforementioned shallow script which appears to have the sole purpose of propelling Vin Diesel from one bombastic stunt sequence to the next.
You can see some genuine genius in places, most of which has been carried from the novel, and some fantastic set pieces such as the train passing through a radiation zone that appears to be a former industrial complex that had suffered a nuclear attack (with the train bridge passing over the crater).
But for all the potential the film keeps coming back to the same idea of trying to be a darker xXx. When you aren't watching a fight sequence it feels like you are just killing time until the next fight sequence.
And honestly, does every bloody action film made these days have to have a free-running sequence in it? Yes District 13 looked good, and it was done very well in Casino Royale, but we get the point. I suppose it shouldn't shock me really, free-running is after all the new 'bullet time', and unsurprisingly Babylon AD had to squeeze plenty of that slow motion nonsense in too.
Vin Diesel's acting isn't terrible, but if it were any more wooden he would be Keanu Reeves.
There is however one rather amusing moment involving a nuclear missile.
Overall I'd say that if you wanted to watch an action movie with a genuine story then you could do worse than Babylon AD, just don't try to convince anyone that the dialogue is good. Oh, and the ending is very forced.
Rating: C
The movie has a good story that is mired only by the aforementioned shallow script which appears to have the sole purpose of propelling Vin Diesel from one bombastic stunt sequence to the next.
You can see some genuine genius in places, most of which has been carried from the novel, and some fantastic set pieces such as the train passing through a radiation zone that appears to be a former industrial complex that had suffered a nuclear attack (with the train bridge passing over the crater).
But for all the potential the film keeps coming back to the same idea of trying to be a darker xXx. When you aren't watching a fight sequence it feels like you are just killing time until the next fight sequence.
And honestly, does every bloody action film made these days have to have a free-running sequence in it? Yes District 13 looked good, and it was done very well in Casino Royale, but we get the point. I suppose it shouldn't shock me really, free-running is after all the new 'bullet time', and unsurprisingly Babylon AD had to squeeze plenty of that slow motion nonsense in too.
Vin Diesel's acting isn't terrible, but if it were any more wooden he would be Keanu Reeves.
There is however one rather amusing moment involving a nuclear missile.
Overall I'd say that if you wanted to watch an action movie with a genuine story then you could do worse than Babylon AD, just don't try to convince anyone that the dialogue is good. Oh, and the ending is very forced.
Rating: C
Thursday 14 August 2008
In Bruges (Vastian's Review)
In general I prefer to review bad films because, in the end, insults generally are funnier than praise.
In Bruges makes this stance quite difficult for me. So I'll bitch about what I can.
In the scene when Ray (Colin Farrell) is preparing for his date he has decided to keep his shirt neck buttoned, but in each scene when the camera is on Ken (Brendan Gleeson) and Ray is reflected in the mirror the button is open.
That's it.
In Bruges I am naming as my movie of 2008 (but I am totally willing to accept that something better may come out before the year is out, it is however the best movie so far). To me In Bruges is to this decade what Pulp Fiction was to the 90's, but because it was one of those films that sort of crept up on the public rather than being hyped to the same level where people actually believed that the Arctic Monkeys might be good, it will probably end up as a cult film. Much like Hudson Hawk.
In Bruges is a film that bases itself on surprise, which of course on the dvd viewing left me enjoying the experience slightly less than I did at the cinema, but then the dialogue comes back to slap you in the face with some of the best screen writing seen since Charlton Heston parted the Red Sea.
Personally I love the fact that Ray, even in his most emotional moments still somehow finds a way to insult Bruges. It really is pure genius. Bruges is portrayed almost as a character in this movie, but as the most boring and forgettable character whom you could possibly imagine, much as how Ray sees the city.
Ralph Fiennes as Harry is also particularly enjoyable, mostly because of how much of a bastard he is, or to quote Ken "Harry, and I mean no disrespect here, but you're a cunt. You've always been a cunt, and the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to become more of a cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids."
Martin McDonagh (writer/director) deserves full credit for breathing new life into the stale two-hitmen-in-a-foreign-land storyline, the script is scathing, un-PC and laced with the most beautiful dark comedy. The character development is deep and the entire film just emanates an aura of "you don't need fancy effects or a huge budget to woo the crowds".
In Bruges is a movie for people who love movies.
Rating: A
In Bruges makes this stance quite difficult for me. So I'll bitch about what I can.
In the scene when Ray (Colin Farrell) is preparing for his date he has decided to keep his shirt neck buttoned, but in each scene when the camera is on Ken (Brendan Gleeson) and Ray is reflected in the mirror the button is open.
That's it.
In Bruges I am naming as my movie of 2008 (but I am totally willing to accept that something better may come out before the year is out, it is however the best movie so far). To me In Bruges is to this decade what Pulp Fiction was to the 90's, but because it was one of those films that sort of crept up on the public rather than being hyped to the same level where people actually believed that the Arctic Monkeys might be good, it will probably end up as a cult film. Much like Hudson Hawk.
In Bruges is a film that bases itself on surprise, which of course on the dvd viewing left me enjoying the experience slightly less than I did at the cinema, but then the dialogue comes back to slap you in the face with some of the best screen writing seen since Charlton Heston parted the Red Sea.
Personally I love the fact that Ray, even in his most emotional moments still somehow finds a way to insult Bruges. It really is pure genius. Bruges is portrayed almost as a character in this movie, but as the most boring and forgettable character whom you could possibly imagine, much as how Ray sees the city.
Ralph Fiennes as Harry is also particularly enjoyable, mostly because of how much of a bastard he is, or to quote Ken "Harry, and I mean no disrespect here, but you're a cunt. You've always been a cunt, and the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to become more of a cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids."
Martin McDonagh (writer/director) deserves full credit for breathing new life into the stale two-hitmen-in-a-foreign-land storyline, the script is scathing, un-PC and laced with the most beautiful dark comedy. The character development is deep and the entire film just emanates an aura of "you don't need fancy effects or a huge budget to woo the crowds".
In Bruges is a movie for people who love movies.
Rating: A
Monday 4 August 2008
The X Files: I Want To Believe
The X Files IWTB is a difficult film to rate. From the outset it is clear that this is a movie made for the fans, instant points right there, and doesn't involve an alien conspiracy, more points.
My problem is that I am a person who hasn't really seen The X Files since sometime roundabout when the T-1000 became a regular cast member. A result of this is that I sometimes found myself struggling to keep up with the implied back story.
For instance Mulder and Scully are no longer in the FBI, and apparently Scully has finally saw the charm of Mulder's cardboard exterior and they are an item now (though amusingly Mulder still refers to her as Scully rather than Dana).
Oh, and they lost a son at some point..? That wasn't me giving away plot or character development, its a little statement that comes so far off-the-cuff as to imply that anyone who doesn't know this has a case of the terminal stupids. It's a thing for the fans.
Lets talk movie talk.
The X Files: I Want To Believe is a decent serial killer hunt with a supporting cast of a psychic Scottish comedian and a black gangsta' rapper FBI agent kickin' it wit da poh-leese and knockin' down doors to bust a cap in some punk fool's ass. I'm being harsh, but only because I think that anybody who actually talks and acts like that really needs to go back to school and pay attention.
Xzibit actually isn't bad, in fact I would go so far as to say that he is good. Billy Connolly was less believable, but then I find it hard to take him seriously when I can't look at him without hearing his crucifixion skit. Even in that big gunfight in The Boondock Saints all I can hear is "Yah see you Judas, you're gettin' on mah tits."
I like the serial killer thing, its a nice return to form for the franchise, especially when the 'X' side of the story starts to come through. The story is tense and the scenes are all well shot, the music is atmospheric and broody.
Like the previous movie Skinner is almost completely superfluous to the story, slightly less so this time around but the part could easily have been played by Xzibit or one of the dozen or so FBI extras hanging around and trying not to look at the camera.
Biggest complaint is that Mulder should have kept the beard or David Duchovny should have went on a diet.
Rating: C (If you are a longtime fan of the series then feel free to change that to a B, I won't begrudge you it)
My problem is that I am a person who hasn't really seen The X Files since sometime roundabout when the T-1000 became a regular cast member. A result of this is that I sometimes found myself struggling to keep up with the implied back story.
For instance Mulder and Scully are no longer in the FBI, and apparently Scully has finally saw the charm of Mulder's cardboard exterior and they are an item now (though amusingly Mulder still refers to her as Scully rather than Dana).
Oh, and they lost a son at some point..? That wasn't me giving away plot or character development, its a little statement that comes so far off-the-cuff as to imply that anyone who doesn't know this has a case of the terminal stupids. It's a thing for the fans.
Lets talk movie talk.
The X Files: I Want To Believe is a decent serial killer hunt with a supporting cast of a psychic Scottish comedian and a black gangsta' rapper FBI agent kickin' it wit da poh-leese and knockin' down doors to bust a cap in some punk fool's ass. I'm being harsh, but only because I think that anybody who actually talks and acts like that really needs to go back to school and pay attention.
Xzibit actually isn't bad, in fact I would go so far as to say that he is good. Billy Connolly was less believable, but then I find it hard to take him seriously when I can't look at him without hearing his crucifixion skit. Even in that big gunfight in The Boondock Saints all I can hear is "Yah see you Judas, you're gettin' on mah tits."
I like the serial killer thing, its a nice return to form for the franchise, especially when the 'X' side of the story starts to come through. The story is tense and the scenes are all well shot, the music is atmospheric and broody.
Like the previous movie Skinner is almost completely superfluous to the story, slightly less so this time around but the part could easily have been played by Xzibit or one of the dozen or so FBI extras hanging around and trying not to look at the camera.
Biggest complaint is that Mulder should have kept the beard or David Duchovny should have went on a diet.
Rating: C (If you are a longtime fan of the series then feel free to change that to a B, I won't begrudge you it)
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