Homage, it's called a homage.
That has to be the only explanation as to why 90% of the dialogue has came straight from an internet script for Full Metal Jacket.
I forgive this fault though. Why Vast? Well I forgive it because it is Jamie Foxx delivering most of the borrowed dialogue and he is very, very good.
A film about being bored without taking on the nature of it's topic, frankly I have to call that a success.
Admittedly it is a tad anticlimactic, but then so was the real Gulf War so its about as good as you can expect really.
There is a fairly decent story to the film and plenty of dark humour to keep you entertained, and every scene with Jamie Foxx in it is worth watching (can you tell that I have great respect for his acting ability?).
I don't want to suck him off or anything.
Rating: A commendable B
Thursday, 16 August 2007
Monday, 30 July 2007
Alien Versus Predator
Bad Paul Anderson, bad boy! Go to bed, no cookies for you.
I can only pray that this film is never considered as canon. Where to begin... how about where the Queen's blood reacts with ice (water being the most inert substance KNOWN TO MAN)? No, how about that according to the film the first poor saps got face hugged, impregnated, birthed and then the chestbursters grew to full Xenomorphs in less than 10 minutes?! Seriously, the pyramid reconfigures for the first time, and a group gets face hugged, 10 minutes later it reconfigures for the second time and it shows a rather attractive yet somewhat menacing blond woman go through the usual 'Uugh, Oh no, not again...' moment, then a guy falls in a hole and there is a Xenomorph waiting, actually there are several but at this point nothing makes sense anymore. How about the fact that according to all (repeat 'ALL') AVP canon Predator steel is immune to Xenomorph blood yet the Celtic Predator's weapons melt, then only slightly later in the movie after he is dead all other Predator weapons are back to their immune stage? Did the Celtic Predator forget to enter 'IDDQD' into his wristpad or something? The goofs in the script are too many to list here, face it Paul (Anderson) you suck, but the goofs in the filming are unforgivable. Like the fact that the Scar Predator's methane link (the Pred's breathe methane, in case you haven't read the series) swaps sides on his helmet several times over the course of the film. I'm listing no more, but I'm sure that IMDB has plenty.
As an action film it is grand, quite enjoyable in fact, but as something that is supposed to fit into the AVP universe it is complete bullshit. A note to anyone who disagrees, AVP is set in the ALIEN universe of the 25th Century NOT the Predator universe of now, so it sucks as a game translation as well.
And don't even get me started on that bullshit about the pyramids! There's what, 1500 years difference between the construction of the Pyramids on the Nile delta and those on the Yucatan, and Cambodia hasn't even been considered yet. That is nothing more than tripe for Hollywood faithfuls and Atlantis worshipers who have never actually read anything about the Atlantis Myth.
The only thing that they (and when I say they I mean Paul Anderson again) nearly got right was the strength of the Xenomorphs. The fight with the Celtic Predator versus the 'Grid Alien' might have looked a little excessive to some, but in reality the Predator was lucky that he lasted so long. In 'Aliens' the moment when they came up against the solid steel blast door it was a case of thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-SMASH, all canon reference indicates that the Xenomorphs are stupidly strong compared to anything of comparable size.
Rating: E See me after class
*IDDQD is an old 'Doom' reference. It's the God mode cheat for the original games, doesn't work in Doom3 though, tight one.
I can only pray that this film is never considered as canon. Where to begin... how about where the Queen's blood reacts with ice (water being the most inert substance KNOWN TO MAN)? No, how about that according to the film the first poor saps got face hugged, impregnated, birthed and then the chestbursters grew to full Xenomorphs in less than 10 minutes?! Seriously, the pyramid reconfigures for the first time, and a group gets face hugged, 10 minutes later it reconfigures for the second time and it shows a rather attractive yet somewhat menacing blond woman go through the usual 'Uugh, Oh no, not again...' moment, then a guy falls in a hole and there is a Xenomorph waiting, actually there are several but at this point nothing makes sense anymore. How about the fact that according to all (repeat 'ALL') AVP canon Predator steel is immune to Xenomorph blood yet the Celtic Predator's weapons melt, then only slightly later in the movie after he is dead all other Predator weapons are back to their immune stage? Did the Celtic Predator forget to enter 'IDDQD' into his wristpad or something? The goofs in the script are too many to list here, face it Paul (Anderson) you suck, but the goofs in the filming are unforgivable. Like the fact that the Scar Predator's methane link (the Pred's breathe methane, in case you haven't read the series) swaps sides on his helmet several times over the course of the film. I'm listing no more, but I'm sure that IMDB has plenty.
As an action film it is grand, quite enjoyable in fact, but as something that is supposed to fit into the AVP universe it is complete bullshit. A note to anyone who disagrees, AVP is set in the ALIEN universe of the 25th Century NOT the Predator universe of now, so it sucks as a game translation as well.
And don't even get me started on that bullshit about the pyramids! There's what, 1500 years difference between the construction of the Pyramids on the Nile delta and those on the Yucatan, and Cambodia hasn't even been considered yet. That is nothing more than tripe for Hollywood faithfuls and Atlantis worshipers who have never actually read anything about the Atlantis Myth.
The only thing that they (and when I say they I mean Paul Anderson again) nearly got right was the strength of the Xenomorphs. The fight with the Celtic Predator versus the 'Grid Alien' might have looked a little excessive to some, but in reality the Predator was lucky that he lasted so long. In 'Aliens' the moment when they came up against the solid steel blast door it was a case of thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-SMASH, all canon reference indicates that the Xenomorphs are stupidly strong compared to anything of comparable size.
Rating: E See me after class
*IDDQD is an old 'Doom' reference. It's the God mode cheat for the original games, doesn't work in Doom3 though, tight one.
Sunday, 29 July 2007
Thursday, 26 July 2007
Alone in the Dark
There is no reason for this film to exist.
Rating: E (and that is only because Tara Reid is in it)
Rating: E (and that is only because Tara Reid is in it)
Tuesday, 24 July 2007
Transformers (2007)
Needed a Stan Bush soundtrack.
Apart from that I was quite impressed.
As I predicted the action scenes were top notch (thank you Michael Bay, seriously dude stick to action movies and you can't go wrong).
I loved the tongue in cheek references to the 1986 movie, such as the 'one shall stand, one shall fall' speech and the part in which Jazz takes on Devestator and his initial attack (swinging around Devestator's cannon) directly mirrors Cup's attack on Blitzwing during the Siege of Autobot City.
Megatron kicks all ass though. Seriously. Prime is good, he even rips off a Decepticon's head at one point, but Megatron basically pimp-slaps him into the ground and is only defeated by what is realistically a cheap shot.
And bonus points for the scene in Sam "Spike's" bedroom when the parents walk in, I'm spoiling nothing but I laughed hard.
There were a couple of unresolved plot issues, one of which was sort of dealt with during the end credits but the other felt a bit like a 'I hope they forgot about him' sort of thing.
Lets talk balls.
When four Autobots managed to cause such devastation upon their arrival how did Bumblebee and EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DECEPTICON manage to arrive on Earth with mankind completely oblivious to the fact and probably standing with their fingers in their collective arses.
And this crap about 'The Cube'. Just what the Transformers universe needed, another fucking origin story, as if a spate of bad cartoons (including all the modern nonsense with robots for some reason needing to breathe heavily during technicolor anime action sequences). Thank you Michael Bay, thank you from the bottom of my black little heart for bothering to read into the world at all. I suppose that I should be glad that you allowed Optimus Prime remain as a truck.
Overall though I was impressed enough not to give it a worse rating and the only thing that could have made the 21 year wait better was if Ironhide had voiced his opinion that it was time to bust some deceptichops.
Rating: An undisguised B
Apart from that I was quite impressed.
As I predicted the action scenes were top notch (thank you Michael Bay, seriously dude stick to action movies and you can't go wrong).
I loved the tongue in cheek references to the 1986 movie, such as the 'one shall stand, one shall fall' speech and the part in which Jazz takes on Devestator and his initial attack (swinging around Devestator's cannon) directly mirrors Cup's attack on Blitzwing during the Siege of Autobot City.
Megatron kicks all ass though. Seriously. Prime is good, he even rips off a Decepticon's head at one point, but Megatron basically pimp-slaps him into the ground and is only defeated by what is realistically a cheap shot.
And bonus points for the scene in Sam "Spike's" bedroom when the parents walk in, I'm spoiling nothing but I laughed hard.
There were a couple of unresolved plot issues, one of which was sort of dealt with during the end credits but the other felt a bit like a 'I hope they forgot about him' sort of thing.
Lets talk balls.
When four Autobots managed to cause such devastation upon their arrival how did Bumblebee and EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DECEPTICON manage to arrive on Earth with mankind completely oblivious to the fact and probably standing with their fingers in their collective arses.
And this crap about 'The Cube'. Just what the Transformers universe needed, another fucking origin story, as if a spate of bad cartoons (including all the modern nonsense with robots for some reason needing to breathe heavily during technicolor anime action sequences). Thank you Michael Bay, thank you from the bottom of my black little heart for bothering to read into the world at all. I suppose that I should be glad that you allowed Optimus Prime remain as a truck.
Overall though I was impressed enough not to give it a worse rating and the only thing that could have made the 21 year wait better was if Ironhide had voiced his opinion that it was time to bust some deceptichops.
Rating: An undisguised B
Monday, 16 July 2007
Cinematic Regrets number 2
Chose to see Spiderman 3 in the cinema instead of Hot Fuzz.
Bigger regret, did not see Fight Club in the cinema because thanks to my sister and her love for Brad Pitt I looked at the poster and went "If that pretty boy is in it then it can't be good". I know that I am not the only one who was fooled by this, but it is quite shameful nonetheless.
Bigger regret, did not see Fight Club in the cinema because thanks to my sister and her love for Brad Pitt I looked at the poster and went "If that pretty boy is in it then it can't be good". I know that I am not the only one who was fooled by this, but it is quite shameful nonetheless.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
