Transformers (2007)

Needed a Stan Bush soundtrack.

Apart from that I was quite impressed.

As I predicted the action scenes were top notch (thank you Michael Bay, seriously dude stick to action movies and you can't go wrong).

I loved the tongue in cheek references to the 1986 movie, such as the 'one shall stand, one shall fall' speech and the part in which Jazz takes on Devestator and his initial attack (swinging around Devestator's cannon) directly mirrors Cup's attack on Blitzwing during the Siege of Autobot City.

Megatron kicks all ass though. Seriously. Prime is good, he even rips off a Decepticon's head at one point, but Megatron basically pimp-slaps him into the ground and is only defeated by what is realistically a cheap shot.

And bonus points for the scene in Sam "Spike's" bedroom when the parents walk in, I'm spoiling nothing but I laughed hard.

There were a couple of unresolved plot issues, one of which was sort of dealt with during the end credits but the other felt a bit like a 'I hope they forgot about him' sort of thing.

Lets talk balls.

When four Autobots managed to cause such devastation upon their arrival how did Bumblebee and EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DECEPTICON manage to arrive on Earth with mankind completely oblivious to the fact and probably standing with their fingers in their collective arses.

And this crap about 'The Cube'. Just what the Transformers universe needed, another fucking origin story, as if a spate of bad cartoons (including all the modern nonsense with robots for some reason needing to breathe heavily during technicolor anime action sequences). Thank you Michael Bay, thank you from the bottom of my black little heart for bothering to read into the world at all. I suppose that I should be glad that you allowed Optimus Prime remain as a truck.

Overall though I was impressed enough not to give it a worse rating and the only thing that could have made the 21 year wait better was if Ironhide had voiced his opinion that it was time to bust some deceptichops.

Rating: An undisguised B